Wednesday, July 06, 2005

What Dan Learned in Pittsburgh

On Monday and Tuesday, I traversed the mecca of steel known as Pittsburgh with my buddies Randy and Tom. Rather than give you a 179-page Seattle-like recap (for which I've averaged about an apology per page), we'll just skip right to the bulleted goodness...

What Dan Learned in Pittsburgh
  • Ponderosa restaurants still exist in this crazy world. And they are still good, in a "my arteries have clogged beyond the point of recognition" type of way...
  • I will never listen to Collective Soul again...
  • I have been in cornfield mazes less confusing than the route to State College...
  • If free parking at a hotel seems too good to be true, then just save yourself the headache and just pony up the 12 bucks upfront...
  • The average shelf life of dollar store-bought batteries in a digital camera is roughly 47 seconds...
  • Only I could manage to drive 300 miles to randomly see someone that A.) I haven't seen in eleven years and B.) highly despised...
  • Having traveled said mileage to see the Phillies play the Pirates, I was so glad to see that the Phillies didn't phuck it up...
  • There are few greater joys in life than selling out your Phillies cap-wearing friend to the opposing team's mascot. Those joys are escalated when said mascot squirts said friend with an entire can's worth of silly string...
  • Having now met Phillies broadcaster Chris "Wheels" Wheeler, I officially dub thee, "The Man"...
  • If you're looking for a place to eat in Pittsburgh, go to Philadelphia...
  • Nothing defies Darwinian logic like watching idiots stopping their cars in the middle of major highways to look at fireworks...
  • Ordering a sausage parmesan sandwich at midnight was not one of my smarter culinary choices...
  • The mystique of scratchie lottery tickets has been debunked for me forever...
  • There is no bigger indignation than being falsely accused of breaking a water noodle in a hotel swimming pool...
  • Nothing inspires deference to God as having lightning strike roughly 100 feet from you...
  • In case you were ever wondering, driving in torrential downpours with zero visibility on a major highway SUCKS...
  • Whichever rest stop supervisor decided it was a good idea to place a tin foil-wrapped burger under a hot lamp needs to be seriously harmed in some fashion...
  • Pepe (my car) kicked ass...
That is all.

Until next time...
Dan

5 Comments:

At Wednesday, July 06, 2005 4:40:00 PM, Anonymous joe said...

the waitresses at houlihans in station square sucks.

 
At Wednesday, July 06, 2005 4:42:00 PM, Blogger Dan said...

Take that back!

 
At Wednesday, July 06, 2005 4:46:00 PM, Anonymous joe said...

youre right - i will take that back. i apologize for the poor grammer. so...

the waitresses at houlihans in station square suck.

thats better

 
At Wednesday, July 06, 2005 4:49:00 PM, Blogger Dan said...

Much better, thank you.

 
At Monday, August 29, 2005 4:56:00 PM, Anonymous Tom said...

What Tom Learned in Pittsburgh:

-Everything Dan learned plus this:

-One minute with Chris Wheeler will erase a lifetime of badmouthing him. Which makes me think: Could the same be said with Pete Incaviglia, Adam Corrolla or even *gasp* Bill Conlin????? Only a trip to a McDonald's coffee machine can answer that question...

-Showing a cop a map in a car is useful in the following situations: a.) When we're lost. and b.) when you want a free pass to make illegal turns! c.) If for some reason you want to be called a dude by a cop in Pittsburgh. Don't leave home without it.

-Yes...seconds DO count when ordering online! We'll never get that aisle seat back for the rest of our lives....

-Beer is much more enjoyable when there are no a.)flies or b.)people's elbows in it. Dan will never have that Philadelphia Miller Lite back for the rest of our lives....

-That stinging senstation after the parrot bashed the Phillies cap in front of 30,000 fans is less ego and more likely the chemical fumes released from the full can of Toxic Pittsburgh brand silly string! Section 4 got higher than Mount Washington that day...

 

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